How to deal with the death of a greatly loved family member?
2013 has been a year of great upheaval for us. We welcomed a new family member, when back in March our son Evan was born. But we also lost a very much loved family member, when our female rabbit Schnitzel died very suddenly and unexpectedly in June.
That death hit the whole family very hard and there were tears all around. It was very difficult to comprehend for all of us, especially as her death was very quick. Maia (now 3 and 3/4 years old) had an especially close bond with her. Schnitzel had always been there…when Maia had her first bath, when Maia learned to crawl and walk…and even when she learned to talk. Her first word being: “Hasi”, which is rabbit in German.
It all went so quick! One evening Schnitzel was suddenly not eating her pellets and seemed fairly quiet and withdrawn. I was pretty worried straight away, but gave her some pain relieve and tried to tempt her with treats and decided to take her to the VET asap. When I took her for an urgent appointment first thing the next morning, the VET diagnosed bloat of the stomach. He decided to keep her in for treatment during the day and treat her with pain meds and Metoclopramide. In the evening the Vet surgery called and asked if we would be able to take her home and syringe feed her throughout the night, which of course we were more than willing to do.
I am generally very straight with my daughter and tell her things as they are, but also in a way that a small child will understand. With me being worried about Schnitzel and having to rush her to the VET in the morning I was of course not able to keep this hidden from Maia. I explained that Schnitzel was unwell and had to go and see the Doctor. Maia of course insisted on coming with me in the evening to pick Schnitzel up and bring her back home. So off I went with an excited Maia and a sleepy Evan to bring our little patient home.
In the surgery I talked to the VET who gave me the medication, special recovery food etc., all of which I would need for the night. She talked me through the treatment that Schnitzel had throughout the day and then the VET then went upstairs to give Schnitzel her last pain relieve injection before the night and bring her downstairs to us. 5 minutes later the VET suddenly returned without the pet carrier and with a sad face. She told me that shortly after the injection Schnitzel had suddenly collapsed and died.
My whole world fell apart. It was a day, that both my husband and I had been dreading for many years. I was in a flood of tears and obviously Maia seeing me cry became quiet distressed and clung to me. She wanted to know what had happened. Evan, who till then had slept in the pram, suddenly woke up too and began to scream. It almost seemed as if he had picked up on the strange vibe too. Trying to pull myself together, while consoling a distressed 3 months old and trying to explain to me 3 ½ year old that the rabbit we had come to pick up would never, ever come back home with us, was one of the hardest things I had to do in a long time.
I tried to explain to Maia what death meant, but the words failed me…how to describe it to a little girl, so she would understand it and without frightening her? In the end I told her that Schnitzel would not come home with us again and death meant we would never see her again. I then explained to her that I wanted to say good bye to Schnitzel. I asked her if she wanted to wait with Evan in the waiting room and the VET nurse would look after them. But Maia insisted that she wanted to come with me and say good bye to Schnitzel too. We walked into the room together and both stroked and kissed Schnitzel one last time. It was very touching and also comforting to me to see, how my daughter said good bye to our much loved pet. Then I took the empty pet carrier and returned home with my two children in a flood of tears.
Over the following days many things made me (us) cry…putting the pet carrier down and seeing Bobby our remaining rabbit hop up to it and look in to see where Schnitzel was…seeing pieces of furniture or clothes that Schnitzel had nibbled…photos of her…or anyone bringing her up in a conversation. I never hid my tears from Maia, but always explained the reason why I felt so sad. I would say to Maia that it was ok to cry and feel sad that Schnitzel is dead. Because she had been very special to us and we would really miss her.
Even now, nearly 5 months later, writing this still brings tears to my eyes. The memories are still raw and I still ask myself if I should have noticed something sooner and could I have done anything differently? Maia still brings Schnitzel up in conversations. Sometimes when I put her to bed and we whisper to each other, she will suddenly and without prompting say things like: “We are very sad that Schnitzel has died…” or she will see me sad (for whatever reason) and she will ask me, if I am so sad, because Schnitzel is dead? We then talk about Schnitzel and share the special memories we have about her.
For example how she used to sleep on the stairs like a guard bunny (our rabbits are free range house rabbits) and how she would hide under Maia’s bed and nibble on her soft toys and bedding. That she would scratch on doors at night till they opened and she could sneak in and hide under our beds. She would then sleep there and then scratch and thump during the night, when she got a fright as one of us turned over in bed unexpectedly. How she would hop on the lap of a friend who used to stay with us and leave droppings on her (and only her…never did that with anyone else). Or how she did not want to come home from a very luxurious bunny boarding place and showed her displeasure by sneaking into our bed room, hopping into the middle of our bed and leaving a big puddle of wee there. We subsequently had to sleep in a sleeping bag and we had only just returned from a week long camping trip and sleeping in sleeping bags…So many memories of a very special (albeit sometimes naughty) bun!!!
Both of the rabbits from our original bunny pair have now passed away, but this has not stopped us from adopting again. Chewie died when Maia was just over a year old and we bonded Schnitzel again with a new husbunny called Bobby (also from Caroline’s rescue). Maia may not remember Chewie that much and certainly doesn’t remember his death. He was a pretty shy bunny and would keep his distance from her. But she is able to pick him out in pictures. We still talk about him (and now also Schnitzel) when we look at Baby pictures of her, as there are also many rabbit pictures in her album.
It has taken us almost 5 months to grieve for Schnitzel and also some soul searching to see if we still want to continue having rabbits. But finally Bobby our remaining bun has gone up to Caroline last weekend to find a new bride. I believe we are all finally ready to open our hearts and home for a new special someone and we can’t wait to meet Bobby’s new wife…
That death hit the whole family very hard and there were tears all around. It was very difficult to comprehend for all of us, especially as her death was very quick. Maia (now 3 and 3/4 years old) had an especially close bond with her. Schnitzel had always been there…when Maia had her first bath, when Maia learned to crawl and walk…and even when she learned to talk. Her first word being: “Hasi”, which is rabbit in German.
It all went so quick! One evening Schnitzel was suddenly not eating her pellets and seemed fairly quiet and withdrawn. I was pretty worried straight away, but gave her some pain relieve and tried to tempt her with treats and decided to take her to the VET asap. When I took her for an urgent appointment first thing the next morning, the VET diagnosed bloat of the stomach. He decided to keep her in for treatment during the day and treat her with pain meds and Metoclopramide. In the evening the Vet surgery called and asked if we would be able to take her home and syringe feed her throughout the night, which of course we were more than willing to do.
I am generally very straight with my daughter and tell her things as they are, but also in a way that a small child will understand. With me being worried about Schnitzel and having to rush her to the VET in the morning I was of course not able to keep this hidden from Maia. I explained that Schnitzel was unwell and had to go and see the Doctor. Maia of course insisted on coming with me in the evening to pick Schnitzel up and bring her back home. So off I went with an excited Maia and a sleepy Evan to bring our little patient home.
In the surgery I talked to the VET who gave me the medication, special recovery food etc., all of which I would need for the night. She talked me through the treatment that Schnitzel had throughout the day and then the VET then went upstairs to give Schnitzel her last pain relieve injection before the night and bring her downstairs to us. 5 minutes later the VET suddenly returned without the pet carrier and with a sad face. She told me that shortly after the injection Schnitzel had suddenly collapsed and died.
My whole world fell apart. It was a day, that both my husband and I had been dreading for many years. I was in a flood of tears and obviously Maia seeing me cry became quiet distressed and clung to me. She wanted to know what had happened. Evan, who till then had slept in the pram, suddenly woke up too and began to scream. It almost seemed as if he had picked up on the strange vibe too. Trying to pull myself together, while consoling a distressed 3 months old and trying to explain to me 3 ½ year old that the rabbit we had come to pick up would never, ever come back home with us, was one of the hardest things I had to do in a long time.
I tried to explain to Maia what death meant, but the words failed me…how to describe it to a little girl, so she would understand it and without frightening her? In the end I told her that Schnitzel would not come home with us again and death meant we would never see her again. I then explained to her that I wanted to say good bye to Schnitzel. I asked her if she wanted to wait with Evan in the waiting room and the VET nurse would look after them. But Maia insisted that she wanted to come with me and say good bye to Schnitzel too. We walked into the room together and both stroked and kissed Schnitzel one last time. It was very touching and also comforting to me to see, how my daughter said good bye to our much loved pet. Then I took the empty pet carrier and returned home with my two children in a flood of tears.
Over the following days many things made me (us) cry…putting the pet carrier down and seeing Bobby our remaining rabbit hop up to it and look in to see where Schnitzel was…seeing pieces of furniture or clothes that Schnitzel had nibbled…photos of her…or anyone bringing her up in a conversation. I never hid my tears from Maia, but always explained the reason why I felt so sad. I would say to Maia that it was ok to cry and feel sad that Schnitzel is dead. Because she had been very special to us and we would really miss her.
Even now, nearly 5 months later, writing this still brings tears to my eyes. The memories are still raw and I still ask myself if I should have noticed something sooner and could I have done anything differently? Maia still brings Schnitzel up in conversations. Sometimes when I put her to bed and we whisper to each other, she will suddenly and without prompting say things like: “We are very sad that Schnitzel has died…” or she will see me sad (for whatever reason) and she will ask me, if I am so sad, because Schnitzel is dead? We then talk about Schnitzel and share the special memories we have about her.
For example how she used to sleep on the stairs like a guard bunny (our rabbits are free range house rabbits) and how she would hide under Maia’s bed and nibble on her soft toys and bedding. That she would scratch on doors at night till they opened and she could sneak in and hide under our beds. She would then sleep there and then scratch and thump during the night, when she got a fright as one of us turned over in bed unexpectedly. How she would hop on the lap of a friend who used to stay with us and leave droppings on her (and only her…never did that with anyone else). Or how she did not want to come home from a very luxurious bunny boarding place and showed her displeasure by sneaking into our bed room, hopping into the middle of our bed and leaving a big puddle of wee there. We subsequently had to sleep in a sleeping bag and we had only just returned from a week long camping trip and sleeping in sleeping bags…So many memories of a very special (albeit sometimes naughty) bun!!!
Both of the rabbits from our original bunny pair have now passed away, but this has not stopped us from adopting again. Chewie died when Maia was just over a year old and we bonded Schnitzel again with a new husbunny called Bobby (also from Caroline’s rescue). Maia may not remember Chewie that much and certainly doesn’t remember his death. He was a pretty shy bunny and would keep his distance from her. But she is able to pick him out in pictures. We still talk about him (and now also Schnitzel) when we look at Baby pictures of her, as there are also many rabbit pictures in her album.
It has taken us almost 5 months to grieve for Schnitzel and also some soul searching to see if we still want to continue having rabbits. But finally Bobby our remaining bun has gone up to Caroline last weekend to find a new bride. I believe we are all finally ready to open our hearts and home for a new special someone and we can’t wait to meet Bobby’s new wife…